I vividly remember the day my pregnancy test strip turned
positive. I fumed and cried angry tears. My inner being furiously fought, screaming
for freedom, “I don’t want another baby!”
My kids, (then one teenager, a twelve, ten, and eight-year-old),
no longer depended upon me every minute of the day. I enjoyed their independence,
playing with friends, and attending school. Each one was assuming more responsibilities.
I had begun to dream of more “me time” to create, to read, and nurture my
talents. Those dreams exhilarated me!
The death of my
dreams and desires hit suddenly and swiftly! I was pregnant and pushing 40. I
felt like a wild canary being forced in a cage.
Fears, nibbling at my faith, fueled panic attacks.
