Our Tears are Never Wasted

My favorite place to retreat used to be my master bedroom closet. No matter how large or how small, I could always somehow squeeze myself, a pillow, a journal, and my bible into that 4’ x 6’ space. Oh, Kleenex accompanied me too. The dimly lit closet felt safe and the canopy of clothes overhead created an aura of coziness. And best of all, my kids never thought of looking for “Mom” in the closet!

Why did I find the closet so desirable? I needed a place to deal with life’s hurts and disappointments, my anger and frustration. In quiet seclusion I could share conversations with God, sorting through reasons why I was in the closet. Allowing my emotions to surface, and having a good cry, cleanses my heart and heals my soul. Tears are like words the heart cannot express.

To be honest, I really don’t like “losing it,” or some say be “reduced to tears.” That implies weakness of character. Quite the opposite. Getting in touch with our sorrow, pain and needs, requires slowing down enough to cry out to God. It calls for honesty, humility and courage.

When God's Too Early or Too Late!

A woman on a mission trip landed at the Singapore airport. She was mistaken for a wanted criminal and thrown into a filthy prison. A few days later authorities realized they had the wrong woman and released her.

A doctor forgot to sign his patient’s release papers and couldn't be reached. The patient remained confined to his hospital bed while important things at home went undone. Time was being wasted!

I’m a list maker. A prayer list, grocery list, daily “to do” list, a packing list for my suitcase (so I won’t forget anything).  I used to think making lists would guarantee me security and a sense of peace.

In spite of our finely tuned schedules, interruptions show up and expectations fizzle. Our best laid plans sink, often taking us down with them. Trying to manage life the way we want takes an incredible amount of hard work. It steals joy from the journey. It’s energy draining!

That’s when you and I query God, “Are you paying attention?” “Did you hear my prayers?”  “Are you aware I need help and now!”

Will You Have What You Want?

I faced that question 39 years ago when my husband and I accepted God’s invitation into full-time ministry. It aroused a fear. Perhaps one that had always been there, but now, exposed. If I relinquish total control of my life to God, “will I have what I want?”

We sold our comfortable, suburban home in Wisconsin to become apartment dwellers in St. Paul, Minnesota so John could complete his studies at Northwestern Bible College.  We traded in our fancy car for the least expensive car manufactured. This new lifestyle launched 6 years of college and graduate school, followed by multiple moves around the U.S. and Canada. We helped plant new churches and served struggling ones. Raising a growing family of 4 children posed continuous financial challenges.

As Charles Dickens put it, “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” It was the age of frequently wondering ‘will we have enough’; it was an epoch of learning about God’s promises and testing His trustworthiness. My favorite, go-to promise was “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). When I wasn't trusting, I caught myself worrying, coveting, lacking generosity and just feeling over-all unsettled.

What Real Life Looks Like and How to Find It

I heard that voice again. Suavely proposing that real life is merely getting and gaining more, to impress others and please myself.

What happens when I gain all the gadgets and pricey high tech devices I want?  When I claim life as my own?  When I use it to benefit myself?

Is real living truly about gaining the whole world?    

        

That version of real life strokes my ego; it makes myself appear righteous.
_ It insists real living must use precious people to serve me. 
_ I must have your good opinion.
_ I live to self-indulge and serve my purposes.

I know better! That voice, an impostor, grates on the truth!

I see what happens. The impostor wins and life turns stressful. Jealousy drains the soul. Right becomes confusing and sometimes wrong.

So how is real life found?

5 Reasons You Can Get Through the Tough Times

My caring friend, a dedicated Christian, introduced me to “Prayercentral.”  It’s an online prayer site established to recharge your prayer life or help you learn how to pray.  

Prayercentral, at www.prayercentral.net, features daily devotionals, prayer tips and inspirational words. Its purpose is to help you build a closer connection with God.

Let’s be honest, we all need a tighter connection with God. This year we’ll face new challenges…tough times. J We’ll need spiritual stamina and mental toughness. Kathleen Dillard, director of Prayercentral, recently shared “Getting You Through It”. Keeping in mind Kathleen’s quoted key truths (below), along with my spiritual insights, you and I can confidently step into 2014.  We can get through the tough times!

Death of A Dream

I vividly remember the day my pregnancy test strip turned positive. I fumed and cried angry tears. My inner being furiously fought, screaming for freedom, “I don’t want another baby!”  

My kids, (then one teenager, a twelve, ten, and eight-year-old), no longer depended upon me every minute of the day. I enjoyed their independence, playing with friends, and attending school. Each one was assuming more responsibilities. I had begun to dream of more “me time” to create, to read, and nurture my talents. Those dreams exhilarated me!

 The death of my dreams and desires hit suddenly and swiftly! I was pregnant and pushing 40. I felt like a wild canary being forced in a cage.  Fears, nibbling at my faith, fueled panic attacks.  

No Reason to Give In or Give Up

About 92% of sudden cardiac arrest victims die before reaching the hospital. Statistics prove that if more people knew CPR, (cardiopulmonary resuscitation), it can double or triple a victim’s chance of survival.

Christians are especially at high risk. Distractions, worries, fears, and doubts attack our faith-- always aiming to destroy our spiritual life. These deadly adversaries can be stopped!

Our Lord offers to rescue us with spiritual CPR: Courage, Power and Rest. With His spiritual CPR, nothing is too difficult to handle. Without it, we’ll struggle to make it past today’s first hurdle.

Courage/to trust God daily
It takes courage to trust God. Courage to stop trying to figure out everything on our own. Courage to stop peering into the future to plan for every possibility. Courage to listen to God’s voice in everything we do, everywhere we go. Courage to trust God to keep us on track. (Philippians 3:12-14 MSG)

Heartaches Can Be Healed

I peeked into the third-grade classroom and panicked. Every chair was neatly stacked on top its desk, except for one. My daughter slumped in her chair with her face buried in her hands.

Miss Maney, Bonnie’s teacher, softly confirmed my nightmarish suspicion. “You missed the Mother’s Day Tea.”

I rushed to Bonnie’s side and pulled her close. Gentle tears trickled down her flushed cheeks.

“Oh Bonnie, I’m sooo sorry. I thought the Mother’s Day Tea was after school.”

The peach terry cloth bunny perched on her desk stared at me with beady eyes.  For days Bonnie offered whimsical hints of this Mother’s Day gift she had crafted. I squeezed it close to my heart.

Miracles Still Happen!

As a young child I entertained some incredulous ideas: chocolate milk comes from brown cows; crippled people are contagious; swallowing a watermelon seed will grow a watermelon in my tummy. Children believe the unbelievable!

That’s why I enjoy teaching kids’ Sunday school. They enthusiastically believe Jesus’ supernatural works:  feeding 5,000 folks with two fish and five loaves; raising the dead to life; healing lepers; turning water into fine wine! Our faith increases as we marvel at Jesus’ unusual, illogical, extraordinary works.

Several months ago my child-like faith was challenged, again, to reach beyond the printed pages of the Bible. My husband’s acute symptoms of a blocked primary artery invited lots of fearful “what ifs” which rumbled my faith.

My Big Fear ... Defeated!

Fear unexpectedly gripped me one morning while I brushed my teeth. I felt tooth pain and panicked. Why?

 I hate going to the dentist! For me, the dentist office exudes a distinct odor of chemicals, antiseptics and cements. A huge machine looms above just waiting to drill away at my teeth! Dentists charge exuberant prices!

 “Nope!” “I’m not going.”    

Nevertheless, I felt an ongoing, gentle nudging to make a dentist appointment. Over the years, I've grown familiar with my good Shepherd's staff, prodding me, serving to assist me! (Psalm 23:4) Paying attention to and obeying His past promptings has always proven beneficial. It’s best to follow His leading.

I clenched my phone and made an appointment. With two weeks to wait, fear and I had a wrestling match.